# English: Then, it dawned on me: I was missing something, or someone, but couldn't find what or who. Then, it dawned on me.

#English : Then, it dawned on me. 

I was missing something, or someone, but couldn't find what or who. 

Then, it dawned on me.

I thought I was missing my job. I was missing it. I was. But not that much. I could do without. I had been fed up with it all.

As I was preparing myself to spend the night without taking care of my two baby grand-daughters, a thought came to my mind in English. I was writing a text in English. 

I have forgotten what the text was, by now, but have found a stunning discovery.

All these months, I had been missing English. Writing in English. Reading in English.

It came to me as I was watching the end of an enth old episode of Grey's Anatomy.

I was missing English. I was feeling worried, guilty. I could not find what worried me, what made me feel guilty. I was scraping my mind hard with usual psychological explanations - my family, my kids, my parents, my grand-children, seeing again my friends and former colleagues - to no avait.

I was missing English, novels in English, thinking in English. I had given up English, its countries, its civilisations, is cultures, its culture. Its strength. Its effect on me.

I needed a break with French. At once. Right now. English had always been my solace, my confort. I had forgotten it in the mes of my last years at uni.

I needed its distance, its proximity, its sound in my mind, its effect on my body, its you know what, even if you don't. I do. That's enough.

English ! English !

I'm back !

Back in English. 

That was the long way back to English that was.

HHhheeere I a-a-am !

Again.

Whole.

© Simone Rinzler | December 1st 2015 - All rights reserved 

English is back À L'Atelier de L'Espère-Luette